Category: Let's talk
Well I'm not gonna name names. Their names will be with held as both are members here at the zone. My exboyfriend and I have gotten over our problems from the fall of this year. We decided a friendship was a better thing for us. And I never thought my exboyfriend would become a best friend after what had happened. We told each other everything and anything that came to mind. I respected him as he was dating his exgirlfriend (not me). He's been going through things lately and we promised each other we'd never get in the way of each other's friends or significan others or put stuff in between. Well last night we were just goffing around, none of it was real as I was too busy on here last night to think about what happened. We were both on Aim, goofing around just having fun until things got out of hand. Part of me started getting concerned as I know none of you would ever do that to your boyfriend or girlfriend. To me it wasn't real, in fact internet sex is never real. We goofed like this alot when we were a couple. He and I would just express how we felt. I don't think none of the feelings were real last night. Then the next day (today) I asked him how he felt. And he said he regretted everything. Especially when he saw how uncomfortable I was getting when he wanted to move the conversation to the phone when we agreed our friendship was strictly internet. I told him it's best to ocme clean as I didn't want her to get hurt. And it wasn't real, otherwise I would've persued it more, asked him for another round of cyber flirting. Now I'm paying the price. He was forced to delete me off his Messenger lists. And possibly block from email and I was told to take him off all 3 Messenger lists plus my message boards so that I don't wanna hear her bitching that he and I were talking. You can't force someone to stop communicating with the other person especially if that person was doing the right thing by persuing the other person to come clean of what happened as it was a major weight on his head. Nor do I ever do that with anyone on the internet. Especially when I care about the guy as a friend. I don't think either he or I could be a couple regardless if he was or wasn't single. I felt and admitted we were better off friends and now she being the jealious one had him do all this. If my boyfriend did that to me and it wasn't in person, yeah I might ask him to explain himself, then get counsling and see if things will change and see if I could really trust him. Now understand these two people (my exboyfriend and his girlfriend.) have broken up 3 or 4 times already... He ended up getting hurt in the end so. I needed to get this out as I feel bad it happened, neither he or I were thinking. It was all in good fun and I would never do real sex with this guy as he and I are not dating, nor married and my moto is marriage first then sex. But oh well I guess we learn from our mistakes. His hormones went out of control and got worse when he wanted to switch to another medium for conversation. It didn't bother me nor was I really paying attention at the time of what he was doing. He asked me not to tell her anything which I guess that's ok but at least he told her and came clean. Well I'm done blabbing for now.
Hmmm, well, see, you can't do that cyber sex thing act in the first place. There are certain rules in a reltionship and the moment you break any of them you risk having forfitted that relationship. I know this will come of bad, especially since currently I have an ex who is a Zone member and may start suspecting stuff if she sees this post, but I feel like people can't do this thing in the first place and if it happened and they really and truly felt it meant absolutely nothing and was a one time mistake they should in fact not come clean about it. (And, no, I have no had cyber sex with any one on the Zone or over the internet since 1998 when me and my other friend were goofing around with some girl). I think both the fact that he did that online as well as her thinking she can solve this problem by trying to block you from his life completely indicate that there is no hope for their relationship whatsoever. Should I tell you to feel guilty? I'd have to say no, it is always the responsibility of the person who is in a relationship to draw the line and to decide when enough is enough. You are not wrong for flirting with someone who's dating, .. well you are in a way, but you're not responsible for their actions. So, I hope for his sake that they either refind their trust or break it off, this type of restriction just does not solve anything. I'd never give up talking to any of my female friends for a girl I was dating, I would of course refrain from extreme flirting and I would also understand why she would be unconfortable with me making new female friends and that she should have a say in that, but friends I had from before the relationship started I would intend to keep and communicate with and as long as there was no flirty or sexual stuff involved my girl friend would have no reason to complain. Of course as soon as there is sexual stuff involved you really have forfitted your relationship .. so, well, he shouldn't have let it happen but it's obvious his relationship is dead if you ask me.
But, best of luck, I hope things work out like they are meant to for him and for both of ya :) not in the couple sense of course.
cheers
-B
he himself admited his hormones got the best of him. That night didn't mean anything to me. I thought he was just playing around until he started getting uneasy with me when he asked to move the session to either voice chat or phone. Then I knew he was serious. But I stopped him from going any further. I agree though to refraining people from seeing their friends. If I were dating my ex Tim, I would never refrain him from seeing his ex and talking to her as long as they're just friends. Some people might call what my exboyfriend and I did disloyal and stupid. But like I said he's the one who likes to kid around and I thought he was just messing with my head until he went too far. We make mistakes, I admit to it, next time that happens I'm just logging off of all messengers to regain my composure.
Hey, again, it's his problem not yours. He's the one dating. If you were dating you'd stop it in time. If he gets these types of hormones and goes this far he already proves he should not be dating anyone and it's up to him, not you, to realize it. I think he's just not happy where he is and should do something about it. I know if I got to this level of flirting with someone online I'd have major problems and I hope I'd always break off my reltionship (if I were dating) before that happened.
cheers
-B
Yeah you know something wildbrew. You're absolutely right. I'm not the one who's at fault, if he was that loyal to his girlfriend he should've stopped it. But then it makes me look like I was desperate for attention. Like I said if I were that desperate I'd probally be at the mall picking a guy up which I'm not that desperate.
Hehe, come now, I am sure you could pick up a guy at a short notice if you really wnted one. :) But, basically, that's what I wanted to get across, it's him who has to watch out for decency, you can do whatever you want with whomever you want right now because you're not promised or dating or anything, so enjoy it and do whatever makes you happy whether that be picking up guys, waiting for the right one or not even bothering with guys at all. :)
cheers
-b
Well it's past me now. I think I might wait until the right guy comes along.
One thing I didn't get, did you in fact move it to voice chat because if you did...
James
No we didn't move it to voice chat. I stopped him there, when he made it clear he wanted to move it to voice chat, that there made me uncomfortable.
Honestly, what do people get out of talking dirty to ech other anyways. May be I'm just weird or something but I wouldn't really see the point in cyber or phone sex .. never tried though and I think I'm too shy to, I say nothing beats the real thing ;)
My guess is that if it's the only thing you can get at the time it's good enough... human beings are hornballs, and that does not just apply to men, at least in my opinion... women seem to be more discrete about it but it probably holds true.
James